The Filipina Bride Overseas - Not Necessarily A Mail Order Bride

What is a mail order bride?

The mail order bride practice is not as new as the internet. As early as the 18th century, men and women from various parts of the globe have been marrying through the system. In the olden days, women - mostly impoverished - would have their names listed in catalogues from which men who desired brides would choose. The women were then sent for to come to the groom's home to get married. In more modern days before the internet, there were pen pal catalogues.

It is true that many Filipinas have joined pen pal catalogues and the newer websites designed to foster global friendships and the development of romantic relationships. It is also true that quite a number of Filipinas do so in the hopes of marrying to improve their future financially. It's not a good reason to get married or even start a relationship, true - and these women often fall prey to websites who sell their names, addresses, personal info and photos in very undesirable terms, presenting them as sex objects, docile wives-to-be and desperate maidens waiting to be rescued from poverty. Just imagine the expectations of a man who chooses a future wife based on such recommendations. Imagine the married life that a mail order bride from such lists can look forward to.

Many Filipinas who join such websites have no idea about the risk they are taking. Many of them are very young, live sheltered lives in the provinces and have only heard stories of townmates who have gone abroad to marry and live a life of luxury. There is a real need to warn them of the danger they are putting themselves in.

On the other hand, not all Filipinas who desire non-Filipino husbands are mail order brides, nor do they want it for financial reasons. Geri wrote "Confessions of a Filipina Internet Bride" in her blog, Thoughts on Transitions.

Like Geri, there are Filipinas who know what they want in a husband and are willing to look for him online not as a mail order bride asking to be rescued from anything but as an empowered woman seeking to meet a man on equal terms.

Like Geri, these Filipinas are educated, well-informed, intelligent and discerning. They will not fall for just any online Romeo. They view the internet just as one of the many means to glean genuine character, and do not rely solely on internet communication, too.

The downside is that because of the proliferation of unscrupulous mail order bride and online dating sites, genuine global relationships are cast in a bad light and women like Geri often find themselves stigmatized.

Geri is lucky at not having met much of this kind of discrimination in her life in Chicago. Ironically, she says she has found more of "that guarded look and assumption that I was a mail order bride" from fellow Filipinos who are not married to non-Filipinos.

It is time that we put aside wrong assumptions, misconceptions and judgments.

The campaign to change the image of the Filipina online was never meant to put down Filipinas married to non-Filipinos, or Filipinas who have found real relationships through the internet.

It also does not mean that we see ourselves as "better than" fellow Filipinas who may be listed in dating sites. If anything else, I personally would only want to warn them of the risks involved if the sites they are listed in are of the unscrupulous type. Please be very careful in choosing the sites you join.

I am, however, unconditionally against websites portraying Filipinas as desperate brides-to-be seeking to be rescued from poverty via marriage to a foreigner. (Do not even consider here outright smut sites.) These websites blatantly exploit the vulnerability of the women they list and expose them to a marriage based on distorted values and expectations.

Hopefully, we can all maximize the internet also as a venue to confront these issues.